I didn't really want to do this update. Thinking about my eye problems is depressing. But I want to document what's happened in 18 months. I don't ever want anyone to have to go through this, so I feel I should be as public as possible about it.
I saw the doctor that did my Lasik surgery in October 2005 for the last time. He said I was fine and that the "flaps look good" etc, the whole speech he usually gives me, and said I didn't need to see him again for another year. I complained about my dry eyes again, and he said to keep using drops. I had the surgery in April 2004, and I have used drops in my eyes anywhere from a few times to literally once every hour a day since then. Buying new corrective lenses every six months would have been cheaper than keeping me in drops nowadays!
He had no answer for my sleeping with my eyes open, and said that this is not a result of the surgery. I know it is, but I guess that's my word against his.
I don't wear glasses at home much, which of course was the goal of the surgery. However, my eyes are still quite blurry without glasses.
I can see the computer fine, but I have some trouble with the TV set. If I'm watching CNN I need glasses, because I can't stand to see the newscrawl go by and not know what it's saying.
Daily activities are still impaired. I still need glasses to read the signs in the grocery store. I cannot see well enough, with or without glasses, to drive at night. Note the pictures I uploaded... approximations of what I saw before with contacts and after the surgery. (It's really hard to show what I see on a static, 2D picture. The blurs are really too "soft", but they obscure about the same area as what I actually see obscured. This is about as close as I can get.) My eyes are "20/20" but all that means is I can make out the sign in the picture. Would you feel safe driving with these "20/20" eyes?
Dusk is awful. It used to be my favorite time of the day, when you'd get those soft lights and shadows. Now my pupils dilate to let more light in, the contrast is next to nothing, and consequentally the streetlights look like flashlights shining right at me. I stay indoors now until the sun's gone down completely.
The worst part, however, is waking up in the morning. My eyes feel like leather and I can't see. I immediately reach for my drops to lubricate them enough to let them open and close. It's painful to open my eyes enough to get the drops in, but once they are in, I can see enough to get to the bathroom. I wash them out with tap water, and then add some more drops. In about 15-30 minutes I put my first Restasis drops of the day in.
I know this routine can't be good for them, but since my surgery my eyelids just don't close when I'm sleeping. My boyfriend has verified this, and I can only imagine it's pretty creepy to watch! They aren't wide open, but just enough that you can see the bottom of my pupil. I have blacked out windows, so the sun won't come in and hit me in my unprotected eye while I'm sleeping. When I have a good night, I'm able to wake up several times during the night and put drops in. On a bad night, I'm too tired and sleep right through. So depending on how long I've slept, my eyes have gone anywhere from two to nine hours open, without blinking.
Restasis has slightly increased my tear production during the day, but no amount of tears can offset the eyes being open all night long.
All this because I thought it would be easier to not have to wear contacts. If I only knew, I would have stuck with contacts and glasses 'til the day I died. Sure, I can see now without them. But the trade-offs absolutely are not worth it.
Sometimes when I think about what happened I feel like a chump. Sometimes I just feel very, very angry. But mostly I feel utterly depressed about the situation, because I know no matter what happens in the future, my eyes have been permanantly damaged. This surgery was the worst decision I ever made in my life, and not coincidentally a quite uninformed one as well.
I urge anyone considering this surgery to first read
LasikDisaster.com,
LaserMyEye.org or
SurgicalEyes.org. Your eyes are too delicate, too precious, to take this surgery at all lightly. Please get the facts before you do anything.
PS: I have removed all contextual advertising from the blog section of my site due to Lasik ads popping up.
